I am a widow

I am a widow and I am going to do the best I can to be the best me I can be. My husband contracted Covid19. He got sick on Christmas day of 2020 and early on the morning of 8 January 2021 he passed away. He was 63 years old but he wasn’t sickly, in fact he had never had a life threatening disease in his entire life. He ran a business full time and still found the time to play golf twice a week. He was not a candidate for death. Or was he? Do we have any say in the matter of our own death? I’m speaking from a Christian point of view. Does God determine when we are to leave this earth or do circumstances? One day I will know all the answers, but for now I know what I believe.

God made the earth and everything on it was perfect. Then Adam and Eve disobeyed Him and everything changed. People had to start toiling for their daily bread and they would have to face death. But then Jesus came and changed everything when He was crucified and rose from the dead. He said if we believe in Him we would receive eternal life.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 ESV

Therefore death isn’t the end, but the beginning of a glorious new life that we cannot even start to imagine. The Bible gives us glimpses into this life but doesn’t tell all.

Revelation 21:4 ESV

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

John 14:2 ESV

In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?

1 Corinthians 2:9 ESV  

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”

Revelation 22:1-5 ESV

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.

This last verse is enough to make me believe that I have absolutely no idea how wonderful Heaven is going to be. I don’t know where Heaven is or is going to be, and frankly, it doesn’t matter to me. All I know is that it is going to be so much better than anything here on earth.

I believe emphatically that my husband is in Heaven experiencing the glory of God. I miss him and my heart aches, but I wouldn’t want to deny him the peace that he now has. I have read articles about the process of grieving and come to the conclusion that there are no hard and fast rules. I have found that there are well-meaning people who expect me to fall apart and think there is something wrong, or that I am not being honest when I say that I am fine. Obviously I am not as fine as I was before my other half was torn from me but I am coping. I have to guard my heart constantly against good people who say insensitive things. They don’t realize what they are saying hurts and at this point I have no desire to get into any discussions about it. I have to guard my thoughts against the doubts and fears which invariably sneak in. I have to literally take every thought captive and decide whether I can entertain it or not. I have days when the air is so thick I struggle to breath and moments when a memory is triggered and I cry buckets, but I get up, dress up and show up. Every day. I am not suffering from depression and I still engage in the hobbies and interests I did before his death. Yet, everything has changed. Every single thing I do is new and I have to reinvent the way I do things. At work I have to be the boss. I don’t particularly like being the boss, but for now I have to do it. At home I cook for one. I sleep alone on a big bed. I have to make all the decisions alone. I don’t have the luxury of bouncing it off someone as close to me as I am to myself. On a lighter side I can’t go back to a bad decision and say, “That was your decision!”

Because of the lockdown things are not normal and we are only having a service on Sunday. Not a memorial or mourning service but a celebration of life. Of his life, of the lives each one of us has, of life after death.

This is how I feel today. I am a widow and I am going to do my best to be the best me I can be.

We are soldiers

I wonder if we realize how much God loves us and how much good He wants for us.

Jeremiah 29:11-13, or I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

Here’s a question. We all know this verse and if you look on Pinterest you will find pages and pages of Jeremiah 29:11 paintings, drawings, calligraphy and tattoos. In fact I only typed in J-E-R-E and I got Jeremiah 29:11. I didn’t even have to search. I think I can assume that we all know this verse and this passage. It’s nice and comforting. It’s safe and it doesn’t confront us and we can look at it when we’re not really prospering and say, “It’s okay, God has a plan, I’m just going to believe that.”

What part do we have to play in that plan? I think that a lot of people assume (or wish) that God will just reach down and make the plan a reality without much effort on our part.

But do we really believe what God is saying here. Do we put it into our minds and write it on our hearts. It’s all good and well to write things on walls (physical or virtual) but to write them on our hearts is another story altogether. When we are sick and tired and struggling financially what do we do? Do we embrace this verse and cry out to God or do we curl up in a ball and just cry? Obviously the easy thing to do is to just cry, get depressed and tell everyone (and ourselves) how unfair life is. That’s the normal thing to do isn’t it? We get together with our friends and complain and compare unfairness. Nobody stands up and says, “What do you think you’re saying?” Nobody reminds us that God is really on our side and that we are, in fact, speaking death over our situation.

Proverbs 18:21, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Whenever we speak we are putting words out there into the universe. Words that we can’t put back where they came from. We speak all kinds of negative things over ourselves and then we can’t understand why all these terrible things are happening to us. I realize that is becomes a habit and I fully realize that when bad things happen and when we’re feeling miserable or sick, it’s not easy to be positive. But that is exactly what we must do. We have to force ourselves to become positive. We must praise God because God does not bring the bad things over us. That is the work of the enemy. God allows us to go through trials to strengthen us.

Romans 5:3-5,  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

We need to remember this when we are despondent and when it feels like the whole world is resting on our shoulders. We are becoming better people. We are getting spiritually strong.

John 10:10, The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

If the enemy’s mission is to kill, steal from, and destroy God’s children and he is not going to stop, how can we survive? We can survive by taking a few practical steps. Ephesians 6 tells us to put of the full armour of God. Only soldiers wear armour, therefore we are soldiers and we are in a battle. If we weren’t in a battle we wouldn’t need armour and if we think we aren’t in a battle we are living under an illusion. Then we can change the way we think according to Romans 12:2. The way we do that is to filter our thoughts as is stated in 2 Corinthians 10:15 and think positive thoughts (Philippians 4:8)

It isn’t easy and the Word never tells us that is will be but we are soldiers and we have to make sure that we are well trained in the skills that our manual prescribes. We are soldiers and our commander in chief has a plan that is going to prosper us.

Dead to the law

A friend and I are doing a Bible Study of the Book of Romans. Last week we were reading Romans chapter 7.

V 1-4, Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another—to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God.

Suddenly, as I read it, the comparison became a reality. If I put off my old life and I am born-again, then it is as if I have died and I am a brand new person. These verses say that if a woman is married she is bound to her husband, but if he dies then she is no longer bound to him. Just so, we are bound to the law, but when we are born again we are no longer bound to the law. We are free to follow the teachings and ways of Jesus.

V 6, But now we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter.

Now we can serve Christ is freedom. We don’t have to worry about religious rules. In the Old Testament the priest made atonement for the sins of the people once a year. People had to bring animals and birds to sacrifice for all kinds of things from babies being born to being cleansed from illnesses. There were so many rules and regulations to follow! I have often heard people speak about things that are mentioned in the Old Testament that were regarded as sin, and now they are not called sin anymore. For instance, the debate about tattoos. People say that if tattoos are a sin, then you also shouldn’t be allowed to wear fabric woven from two types of fabric

Deuteronomy 22:11, You shall not wear a garment of different sorts, such as wool and linen mixed together.

What is that all about? I really have no idea. I haven’t researched it at all. All l know is that Jesus says about the greatest commandment.

Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Every action I take, everything I do, every word I speak and every thought I think, ultimately affects not only myself, but others too. If I love God and if I love my neighbour, then I am not going to do things that will hurt either of them. We should always be aware of what we say and what we do. Our actions and our words have the potential to heal or to harm, and if we profess to be believers, we seriously don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m not saying that we should be pushovers and allow people to walk over us at all. We should be led by God’s Word because the answer to every question we have if there. I’m not going to get into lawful and unlawful things because I know that Jesus set me free and I allow the Holy Spirit to lead me. Obviously I make mistakes and when I do Jesus says that I will be forgiven.

1 John 1:9, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all

To live a life free from condemnation is what Jesus is offering. All we need to do is take it. When we accept Him as Saviour He causes us to become new people who are not dragged down by the old things in our live. We need to live like free people every day and revel in the freedom we have been given.

Death where is your sting?

Last week my mother in law passed away suddenly. I am at peace with her passing because she had lived a long life and she knew the Lord. There was no prolonged sick-bed or suffering. I believe she was ready to meet her Maker. I do not often think about death but when someone this close passed away it made me think. I am quite sure that the Bible doesn’t lie and that everyone who have given their lives to Jesus will not perish but receive everlasting life. At this stage all the details of how or where or what everything will look like does not concern me.

Acts 13:36 – 39, “For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers and saw corruption, but he whom God raised up did not see corruption. Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.”

These verses are so profound. Firstly, it says that David served God’s purpose for him in his own generation. Therefore it proves that every person has a purpose. We just have to make sure that we are in conversation with God so that He can lead us on the path of that purpose. Secondly, he fell asleep. There are a lot of verses in the bible that compares death to sleep. I found 8. So, it death is compared to sleep it isn’t final. If you go to sleep, at some stage you wake up again. If we die, we will at some stage wake up again, only not in the same place or in the same body. Now, David saw corruption, but David lived in the Old Testament and David wasn’t washed by the blood of the Lamb. Ephesians 4:8, “Therefore it says, ‘When he ascended on high he led a host of captive and gave gifts to men.’ (In saying, ‘He ascended,’ what does it mean but that he also descended into the lower regions, the earth? He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.”
1 Peter 3:18 – 20, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey, when God’s patience waited, in the days of Noah…”
I believe that after Jesus died and went to hell to take the keys of death from Satan, he also preached to those who had never had the chance to hear the gospel. Revelation 1:17-18, “Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore and I have the keys of Death and Hades.”
The death of Jesus was very sad at the time, but three days later, when He was resurrected and appeared to his disciples it was a time of joy and triumph. He had the chance to walk with them for 40 days before He ascended to heaven, and then later the believers received the Holy Spirit. When I look at death in this light of Acts 13:39 which says, “and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.” death becomes much less frightening if you look at it in this light. 1 Corinthians 15:55-57, “O, death where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
We need not fear death if we know Jesus. We can be comforted that those who go before us are only asleep and that we will see them again. Obviously we will be sad that they aren’t part of our lives at the moment, but death isn’t forever, it’s just a stepping stone into the eternal joy of being with your Heavenly Father.

Turn your face

I know a lady who some years ago who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She took some time off work, went away on her own to a quiet place for a week and spent that time praying and fasting. She didn’t get any treatment and she’s still alive and cancer free today.  I knew another lady who was diagnosed with liver cancer. She hadn’t been particularly sick, just a niggling pain that she decided needed checking out.  Within two weeks she was hospitalized and less than three months later her family buried her. It was so sad. Both these ladies had been given a potential death sentence. One accepted it but the other one did not.  One saw the negative side and believed what the doctors told her. The other knew that there was a positive side and believed what God told her. How would you react to that kind of diagnosis? King Hezekiah was sick and near death. The prophet Isaiah went to him and told him to set his affairs in order because he was going to die. Now I don’t know about you but if a reliable and tested prophet of god tells me I’m going to die, I’ll believe it. Hearing something from Isaiah was like hearing from God Himself. If god tells me I’m going to die, I think I would definitely get my affairs in order. Do you know what Hezekiah did?

2 Kings 20:2-3 “Then he turned his face toward the wall, and prayed to the lord, saying, ‘Remember now, o lord, I pray, how I have walked before you in truth and with  a loyal hear, and have done what was good in Your sight.’ And Hezekiah wept bitterly.”

Isaiah hadn’t even left the palace, when god told him to go back to Hezekiah to tell him that God had heard his prayer and that he would heal him. He would live another 15 years and the city would be saved from the onslaught of the Assyrians.  Isaiah told the physicians to put a lump of figs on the boil that was causing the inflammation and three days later Hezekiah had to go to the temple. But that wasn’t all. Hezekiah asked for a sign from God to prove that he would live and that the Assyrians wouldn’t prevail over them. I’m thinking, “seriously Hezekiah? It was like, Okay Lord you said you would heal me, now prove it.”  Verse 9 – then Isaiah said, “This is the sign to you from the Lord, that the Lord will do the thing which he has spoken: shall the shadow go forward ten degrees or go back ten degrees?” And Hezekiah answered, “It is an easy thing for a shadow to go down ten degrees; no, but let the shadow go backward ten degrees.” So Isaiah the prophet cried out to the Lord, and he brought the shadow ten degrees backward, by which it had gone down on the sundial of Ahaz.

God told king Hezekiah he would die and he decided not to accept the diagnosis. As simple as that. It wasn’t a doctor who told him, it was the Creator of the universe!  Instead of running away from God and seeking a cure someplace else, he turned his face to the wall and spoke to God. That’s exactly what the lady with breast cancer did. She didn’t accept what the doctor told her. She turned to God and spoke to Him. You may ask but what if God hadn’t healed her? She would have gone to heaven, and is that such a punishment?

Psalm 103:2-3 : “Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:  Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies.”

But what if it’s god will that I must die? I would say that even then you should never give up. If you have the chance to raise a petition to God, then do it. If you have the chance to strengthen your faith then do it. I am not saying that doctors don’t know what they are doing by any means, I just know that we are far too credulous when it comes to the opinions of medical professionals. If the doctor says so it must be so. But what does God say? Hezekiah didn’t even take God’s word.

Proverbs 18:21 –“ Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.”  As difficult as it may be, don’t be tempted to speak negative things over yourself. Speak life. And don’t allow others to speak death over you. Not even a doctor. Stay positive. Stay close to God. If you are a child of God and you’re in the position where you have been diagnosed with a potential death sentence, and it doesn’t sit well in your spirit, then it’s time to turn your face towards the wall.

Reject the enemy

Philippians 4:8 – “Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are  noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.

The things which you have learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Romans 16:20 – “The God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly, The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you, Amen.”


Why does the bible tell you to think about good things? So that the God of peace will be with you, and He will give you victory over the enemy. We need to crush Satan under our feet because it is Satan that lies to us and causes all kinds on bad things to happen to us. Maybe not entirely true. Satan lies to us and we believe him and then we think negative thoughts that cause bad things to happen to us.

Proverbs 23:7 – “For as he thinks in his heart so is he.”

This verse tells you that what you think about is what you become. If you keep thinking that you aren’t good enough you probably won’t measure up, even if it’s to your own standards. If you think you can’t do something I can almost guarantee you that you will not be able to. One of the biggest lies the enemy tells is that you aren’t good enough. Very few people haven’t felt that way in some stage of their life.


John 8:44 – “You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie he speak from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.


2 Corinthians 11:14 –  “ And no wonder! For Satan transforms himself into an angel of light.”


1 Peter5:8 – “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”


Therefore, if you think negative thoughts, you will become negative in your heart, you will speak negative things and you will be a negative influence on everyone you come into contact with. If you keep thinking these think negative thoughts you are playing into the enemy’s hand. Conversely, if you think positive, pure and good thoughts the God of peace will be with you. When the God of peace is with you Satan will be crushed under yout feet! That’s a victory! If thinking positive thoughts is all it takes to put Satan under your feet that’s not so hard. It’s easy! But is it? If you have been thinking negative thoughts for so many years how can you change now?


Romans 12:2 – “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”


2 Corinthians 10:4-6 – “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of god, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”


Once again, Proverbs 23:7 – “For as he thinks in his heart, so he is.”

What if your circumstances are really hard? What if your spouse cheated on you? Or there’s no money in the bank? What if your doctor gives you a deadly diagnosis? What if the thought that comes into your head is one that says you should get hold of a gun and blow your brains out, or take a whole bottle of sleeping pills so that you do not have to go through the pain? What then? Recognize that thought as one that doesn’t come from God. Take it captive. Isolate it. Reject it immediately.

James 4:7 says, “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you..”

Resist the devil, in other words, do not entertain that thought. Don’t allow it to take up space in your mind. Do not invite it in, it has no place in your life. Those kinds of thoughts do not come from the Holy Spirit. They are straight from the pit of hell and if you take heed of them that’s where you are going to end up together with the one from whom they originate. Please do not even contemplate that God will put thoughts like that in your mind. He is a loving and merciful Father and He loves you. He does not want to harm you in any way. He went as far as allowing His only son to die so that you can have everlasting life. John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.”

Be aware that every thought that you have that will cause harm to yourself or to someone else does not come from  God. Look for good things to think about. Start a gratitude journal and list things you are grateful for every day. Surround yourself with positive people. Just remember that there will always be difficult circumstances but they will change. The only thing that will never ever change is God and the love He has for you.